disgusting

i fell through. so much for this "fast" it was only because my lab lasted me 4 hours instead of 3 i was so stressed everyone else from my group was going to eat so i decided i'd go, but with no intention of eating. but i ate anyway.

veggie burger 123 cal

burger roll 180 cal

grean peas about 1/2 cup 67 cal

fries about 10 111 cal

icecream one scoop 270 cal

chocolate cake 388 cal

WTF WAS I THINKING?? 1,139

that was all in one sitting. this means 200 crunches without stopping. i should probably go try to purge but its been a long time since i ate.. i am so disgusted with myself. honestly. no eating tomorrow. at all. i dont deserve it. i dont deserve even a nibble. punishment. cold or room temp water only. no warm water. no coffee. disguting.

f m l f m l f m l why cant i be strong?

what is upp

just sitting here.. yanno.. uh i've decided that i need to stop this depression train. this depression trip i am on is caused by those things on my hips? and on my legs? its covering what should be hips and legs. oh yeah haha.. my bad.. its called FAT. eff aye tee. and its pretty gnarly. all the words for fat.. cellulite? probably the worst. i'm not trying to sound like an emo depressed bitch but lets be serious here people.. who wants to have those gnarly love handles and jiggly legs at the beach in the summer.. when you're boyfriend is absolutely gorgeous, not an ounce of fat. a complete jock.. now dont get me wrong i'm not some annoying bratty girl who is obsessed with guys and guys guys guys.. yeahh not my thing yadigg? im more of a hippie kind of person? a carefree person.. however at this point in my life, i am not too care free.. i need to know the calorie intake of every food item i consume. i dont eat meat. its disgusting. that came from a living animal. and now its a dead animal. and now you are consuming it. soo thats pretty gross to me yeah.. KATANA has been my inspiration. she is quite the darling and i would love to have her strength.

i've decided last night, that i will be fasting for the rest of this week. friday is my brothers 20th birthday so there is a good time to not eat, and be social, people will be too worried about getting that last roll to look and see and be like oh hey shes not eating, and when i go out friday night i can just say that i ate all day here.

currently i am sitting in my room. my roommate is talking to me. im not listening. she complains to much. and i should listen and be a good friend. but its kind of hard when everything that she says is mostly a lie.. "my brother has a court date and i had to lend my mom 800 dollars for it blablabla" her parents have a lot of money i know for a fact that she didnt lend her mom THAT much if any. she even told me in the beginning of the school year that she is a pathological liar and that is straight up annoying. i hate liars. everything and anything that has to do with them.

but.. am i a liar? by not eating and saying that i did? i think not! i did eat. just not today. i already ate. but not today. i ate earlier. earlier doesnt have to necessarily be today sillies! but yeah anyone's input would be so appreciated.. feel free to email me at bones.skyler@gmail.com

i love talking about this. i feel that i need to talk about this..

heres some more info about me

i am 5'7" and i weigh between 145 and 148

if i go above 148 i dont know what i will do

that number is so ugly 150

150

150

150

i will never weigh 150

unless i am pregnant

which will not be for a very long time.

tips and tricks are appreciated. im always willing to talk about thinspiration.. be inspiRED. wear RED. support others with an ED. ED are serious but it feels so good. it feels so good knowing that you didn't put disgusting f word in your mouth.. im going to say F or fword from now on instead of food.. because the thought of F makes me nauseas and i cant stand it.

i will probably blog some more tomorrow..